Singleness

Much has been made about my singleness for many years now. Per usual, like at every other place I have worked, my singleness has been the topic of several discussions at my new job. However, it is typically brought up by one particularly irritating co-worker who continues to refuse to believe that I know myself well enough to know how I truly feel about my own singleness. Thankfully, there are only a few people in my life like him who really seem to want to pile on the pressure for me to hurry into marriage. I understand that to some - being 28 years old and unmarried and not even dating - well that's tantamount to being an old maid! Whatever...For me it means that I'm not going to fall all over a guy just because he has a pulse and a job.

And what is the hurry? Granted, I never thought I'd still be single at 28, but I'd rather be single than desperate and end up in a bad marriage because I just couldn't stand to be single any longer. I have standards that I'm not willing to compromise, nor do I believe they're unreasonable. Here are the main non-negotiable ones:

1. Attractiveness: Christians often try to make themselves look more righteous by saying, "it's what is on the inside that really counts." While what is on the inside counts a LOT, being physically attracted to a person is pretty darn important too.
2. Growing Christian: If a guy is not making the effort to grow in his faith and relationship with Christ, I cannot not allow my heart to become romantically entangled with his.
3. Humor: I LOVE to laugh. A man with a quick, dry wit is my kryptonite - think Hugh Laurie.
4. Financial Stability: I am able to financially support myself and stay out of debt. I expect him to be able to do the same or at least be working hard to pay off any debt he has incurred.
5. Accountability: I have a strong group of women who I lean on, confess to, and look to for advice. I expect him to also have this in place or be actively seeking it out. In my book, it is imperative for both people to have strong influences of accountability in their lives to challenge them to address the tough issues in their relationship.
6. No cats: They're gross, and I'm allergic.

As for how I feel about my own singleness, I am quite fine with my status. I don't sit at home crying myself to sleep at night desperate to be in a relationship (contrary to what my co-worker would like to believe). I'm an introvert - I enjoy my alone time, and it's not as if I don't ever go out. I've never been the person to go out and party all night, or date a different guy each night of the week. In truth, I could probably count the number of dates I've ever been on, on one hand - and I'm okay with that. Now, I'm no Paul - I don't desire lifelong singleness. I would love to get married and have children someday, but I don't see any reason to be desperate about it. Being desperate is dangerous because it causes one to forget and compromise their standards. The goal of my life is not to end my singleness with marriage, the goal of my life is to honor God and there is plenty to be done in this world to fulfill that that has nothing to do with marriage. I choose to focus on that rather than wallow in self-pity about being single. Do I have moments of depression and self-pity about my singleness? Sure, I'm no super woman. However, those moments are fleeting in comparison to the contentment and security I have as I continue following His lead in this aspect of my life.